No wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.

I’ve spent a great deal of time trying to determine what the point of life is. If there is a purpose to it, the meaning has been lost on me. My surmise on the purpose of human existence is bleak and unsatisfying. I have no hope of afterlife or greater scheme to rely on for my emotional fulfillment.

Having faith is something I’ve never been able to quite grasp. I spent a great deal of my life going to a Pentecostal church while I was growing up. I was never comfortable there, I typically sat by myself and observed the services and other people. Now, if you’re not familiar with Pentecostal churches, the one I attended was not a long-skirt wearing, snake-handling type of church, however, they did believe in speaking in tongues and being “slain in the spirit” which consists of falling lifeless on the ground for an undetermined amount of time which usually ended conveniently when the music started to fade away, right on cue.

I saw how the ebb and flow of the worship music gradually took the congregation on a self induced emotional roller coaster. Lyrics embedded with suggestive themes of painful memories that Jesus would take away for you. I could tear apart every person in there and see where their emotional damage was based on what broke them down.

I’ve read books about what exactly happens in your brain when you engage in a so-called spiritual experience and I do believe there are legitimate feelings of relief and euphoria that can happen for a person in that setting. The same feelings that can be invoked through meditation without relying on an invisible being to make you feel better.

Maybe I’m jaded. I’ve seen behind the scenes of what happens in those churches when the doors are locked (I worked there for a few years as a secretary right after high school). I saw too many “Sunday Christians” and hypocrites. There were some genuinely good people there as well, but I feel like they are the type of people that would be good-natured with or without a god watching over their shoulders.

So, without faith, I’m left to determine my own purpose in my life. I choose a life of decency and simple joys. I can’t think of a better way to spend my life than to live it.


Posted on August 7, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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